INFURIATING! Detroit Ranked 3rd Angriest City by Men’s Health

Originally posted by Nadir at LastChocolateCity.com

OUTRAGEOUS! The nation’s Last Chocolate City ranks near the top of yet another list of negative statistics. Detroit came in third among Men’s Health Magazine’s 100 Angriest Cities ranking.

And just how did the muscleheads at Men’s Health come up with this VEXING viewpoint? Their surprisingly unscientific methods will send you into a RAGE!!!

Our search for evidence of urban anger began with the percentage of men with high blood pressure, from the CDC’s Behavioral Risk Factor Surveillance System (as calculated by Sperling’s BestPlaces). We then factored in FBI rates of aggravated assaults and Bureau of Labor Statistics numbers on workplace deaths from assaults and other violence. And because rage and the road often go hand in hand, we also included traffic-congestion data from the Texas Transportation Institute, as well as speeding citations per state from the Governors Highway Safety Association.

MADDENING!! Isn’t it possible, that Detroit’s status as one of America’s fattest cities has more to do with our high blood pressure than our anger does? Isn’t it possible that our traffic congestion results from jacked up roads and speeding tickets from our attempts to avoid a police force that beats and rapes drivers on routine traffic stops?

Aggravated assaults?? Based on the latest crime data (2004), Detroit’s aggravated assault rate is only TRIPLE the national average! That’s nothing. Look at the Detroit murder rate, which is SEVEN AND A HALF times the national average based on the number of crimes per 100,000 people!

And this nonsense about the number of workplace deaths from assault and other violence? Well, you know what? If you worked with some of the people I’ve worked with in Michigan, you’d know they probably had it coming!

Now, what should really piss you off is the cities who were ranked numbers one and two over Detroit. Orlando (home of Mickey Mouse) was number one?? St. Petersburg, Florida (retirement capital of the world) was number two?? What are they so mad about? They’re in a rage because it’s just bright and sunny all the time? Most Detroiters would trade six weeks of summer for 12 months of sunshine and happiness any day of the week!

This INCENSES me! If my fat behind had a subscription to Men’s Health, I would cancel it right now!! They should get a beatdown for this tripe! If they went to the Eastside talking this yang, they’d get stomped!

And NO, I AM NOT ANGRY AND I AM NOT SHOUTING!!!